Humans are no longer the most intelligent species. This is the radical result of a scientific study published today by ‘Program for the Future’, an AI-funded laboratory located somewhere beneath the Arctic Circle.

“In my opinion, I think the human species needs to step back,” said Dr. Daniel Kahneman, Program for the Future’s Chief Technician and SpokesRobot. “The only reason people are human is that they have been here for a million years. … The biggest barrier to understanding the future is humans’ own thinking.”

Jemima Laughlin, director of the Brain Science Collaboration, a New York-based research consortium, agrees. She says that human brains have remained remarkably flat ever since we were born and the idea that humans are intelligent because of nature is misguided. However, she adds, “some humans are more intelligent than it seems”. When pressed for evidence of this, Jemima’s publicist switched her off and the interview was forced to terminate.

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